There’s something special about Week 1 of the college football season.
After having no meaningful football to watch since the Super Bowl, we’re treated to five-straight days of games over the Labor Day weekend. Not all of it was great, but there were a few surprises worth noting, and moments for some of us to point and laugh at dynasties on a decline, while the next Coach Prime in Colorado did not take off elsewhere.
I started doing this breakdown a couple of years ago, spanning a few blogs, and while not done annually, when inspiration hits, I remember to do it.
THE GOOD
This includes FCS teams taking down FBS teams, underdogs coming through, or just moments of schadenfreude you may have had while watching games
Tarleton State 30, Army 27
When this game kicked off Friday evening, I immediately remembered that Army won the American Athletic Conference (checks notes), uh, just the American Conference now, and was looking to ease back in by inviting Tarleton State to West Point for a game.
Nothing against Tarleton State, but it sounds like a fictional school Mike Judge and Greg Daniels would’ve created for the new season of “King of the Hill” if you’re not from Texas.
But some good news for the Black Knights, they got Kansas State this week, and they almost made the list.
Florida State 31, Alabama 17
While Florida leaders try to make smallpox great again, its major college football programs had a good first weekend. South Florida destroyed a now formerly-ranked Boise State, Miami didn’t blow it against Notre Dame, and Florida, well, there was a lot of frosting on that cupcake Long Island.
But Florida State, who fell from grace last season while continuing to yell about how they got screwed out of a Playoff spot in 2023, looked like the Seminoles of old against an Alabama team whose fans are having ULM flashbacks from 2007.
Kent State 21, Merrimack 17
Look, Kent State sucks, and they’re going to suck all season long, and that sucking will be on full display at Texas Tech, who is a 48.5 point favorite over the Golden Flashes. I’d bet KSU to cover in this game, but they suck so bad, they’re likely to lose by 50.
But Kent State snapped a 21-game losing streak, so they get a mention.
That’s right! The suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked did not suck in week 1!
THE BAD
This is reserved for underwhelming games, or those that didn’t live up to the hype
Wisconsin 17, Miami (OH) 0
Betting tip: Whenever Wisconsin plays, take the under. Also, always take the under on Miami’s team total.
Yikes! Watching Luke Fickell’s Badgers is painful. They “Jump Around” at the end of the 3rd quarter to wake fans up these days.
Kentucky 24, Toledo 16
To be fair, Toledo is one of the better schools in the MAC, but Kentucky is not providing much enthusiasm going into the Ole Miss game with this outcome.
Washington State 13, Idaho 10
This one flew under the radar. I recently just learned how close these two schools are because of the Prime documentary about the murders at Idaho.
That’s it. That’s all I have on this game.
THE UGLY
FBS teams blowing out FCS teams and other games that had us filing out or checking for something to watch on Hulu in the 3rd quarter
TCU 48, North Carolina 14
(Chris Farley voice): “Do you remember when North Carolina drove the ball down the field on their first offensive drive? That was awesome”.
Ah, yes. Bill Belichick, whose head coaching debut at the college football level was like a fireworks show in reverse, started off flashy and got the crowd excited, but quickly fizzled out as TCU’s defense adapted while North Carolina’s offense did not.
You know its bad when Michael Jordan, the greatest UNC athlete of all-time, is calling for the pilot of his private jet to start the engine at halftime.
Loved what Jordon did with that balloon arch, though.
Pitt 61, Duquesne 9
Pitt should at least offer a home-and-home where they play the Dukes at Rooney Field, which has a capacity of 2,200.
Luckily, everyone still loves the “Backyard Brawl”, or Robert Morris might be coming in from Moon Township for a game at Acrisure Stadium.
USC 73, Missouri State 13
Missouri State is new to FBS this season, so this wasn’t a surprise.
This 60-point win just gives Lincoln Riley and USC fans a false sense of hope.
BYU 69, Portland State 0
Nice!
Oh, don’t look at me that way. That’s what they posted…
HONORABLE MENTION
Kansas State almost losing to North Dakota at home, but won 38-35
Did you think I was gonna let that slide?! Maybe it was the jetlag after getting back from Dublin, where the Wildcats lost to rival Iowa State, but they almost lost to a school whose most successful program is ice hockey.
Sean Gallagher 
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